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WARNING: Suitable for all Sires and Neonates. NOT FLEDGLINGS. Vampire the Masquerade was designed for an adult audience to explore adult themes. Assassination and murder are two of those things. I do not condone murder to solve problems, duh! I do condone action flicks and horror movies. I really like grind house a lot lately. MONITOR YOUR FLEDGLINGS.

Silence of Death: You’re like a gnome. You can hear them, but they can’t hear you. First, we sneak up behind you. The smell of baby ducks, soggy asparagus, and failure assault your delicate snow flake senses.

Scorpion’s Touch: Molly Hatchet the scorpion is the best trickster in the land. Let her knock you upside the head and just see what happens. Next, we make you laugh.

Dagon’s Call: Pain touch is an ancient technique that has been passed down since before time was timed. Pain is better than death. Pain means STOP. Next, we make you cry.

Baal’s Curse: To finish them off, two drops of the Blood of Caine on your war fan applied directly to the third eye always does the trick. A wild ride on the zipper. Did you see up god’s skirt?

Taste of Death: I learned this trick from a Space Marine buddy of mine. Use your acid saliva to get out from behind bars or boring dinner dates.

Hierarchy of assassins:

0). Explosives.

1). Professional sniper rifle.

2). Scoped rifle.

3). Rifle.

4). Shotgun.

5). Sawed off shotgun.

6). Pistol.

7). Bow, crossbow, or wrist rocket.

8). Sword, spear, mace, whip, etc.

9). Knife, scalpel, climbing piton, needles, etc.

10). Hands, feet, head, teeth, throws, pins, grappling, etc.

11). Use a kind word and a gun. Intimidation to curb their enthusiasm.

12). Send them a message with a smile and a phone book. Next time they’ll be kicked out to Hawaii.

13). Convince them to be friends. If they’re friends, they can’t be enemies can they?

DON’T DO THIS AT HOME FLEDGLINGS. I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DUMB ASS TRYING TO THINK THEY ARE THE ANCIENT ROBOT VAMPIRE! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!

Hope that helps some Licks out there,

Sensible Cenobite

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