The Deb of Night was a late-night call-in show that broadcast on KTRK in Los Angeles in late 2004. Deb seemed to desperately crave decent conversation, and was constantly disappointed by the late-night weirdos and horndogs who call through instead.
The phone number was (323) 555-5875 (albeit typically spelled out as 323-KL5-KTRK).
Show 1[]
- Callers
- Deb: Hello LA, you're up way past your bed time, aren't you? Hope you've slipped into something comfortable, I know I have. If you're new to town or just new to this whole radio thing, you're listening to The Deb of Night, the only girl who will spend the night with you and leave first thing in the morning, guaranteed. Well, looks like the boards are lighting up! Aren't I the popular one? Lets see, eeny, meeny, miny, moe, who will be the lucky... caller, you've got the first shot at Deb tonight! So who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?
Romero (Brian Mitsoda): Hi Deb, this is... uh, Vigo. Vigo.
Deb: So... Vigo, why are you up so late?
Romero: Uhm, I'm working the night shift here at the... uh, yacht club.
Deb: Aha. How many boats do you own, Vigo?
Romero: Two, actually three. Uhm, one is... in the shop.
Deb: I used to do a little yachting myself, what kind of yacht do you have?
Romero: Uhm... you probably wouldn't know the brand, I... uh, bought them in Italy.
Deb: Ah, l'Italia bella. Parlate Italiano?
Romero: Uhm... yes.
Deb: Arrivederci, Vigo. - Deb: Caller two, you're on The Deb of Night. Be gentle.
Unknown: Hi Deb.
Deb: Hello caller.
Unknown: Hi Deb.
Deb: Is tonight a re-run?
Unknown: Deb? - Deb: Caller number three, what's keeping you up tonight?
Gomez (Leonard Boyarsky): Deb, listen to me Deb. There're at it again and people have got to know. They've got to know because they don't know, they won't report this stuff on the news because they own the news!
Deb: Hello Gomez, what's the latest conspiracy?
Gomez: Conspiracy? This goes beyond conspiracy, okay? There is no word for something as devious and secret as this, you understand? People need to hear this, they need to know the real story!
Deb: You've got our undivided attention.
Gomez: Alright, as we all know the Americans established a Moon base back in the late seventies, that's no secret. But what most people don't know is that they have been conducting a dig. Not for resources, but for artifacts.
Deb: I see.
Gomez: Well, it's no coincidence that the Chinese have started conducting space missions. You know why? I'll tell you why. The reason is because the Chinese are trying to stop the Americans from finding an ancient space probe send by the Beta-Centaurians. And why? Because the Beta-Centaurians are giving space technology to the Chinese to get back at the Andromedans - a.k.a. the Greys - for giving space technology to the Americans in the fifties.
Deb: Fascinating.
Gomez: The American government's been putting more money into space. Don't you see what's happening? I can't believe I'm the only one that's figured it out! Am I the only person alive that can see what's going on? It's because the Andromedans and the Betas are going to be fighting their war in this galaxy through us, Deb. And the American people, the people of Earth, you people, cannot let this happen! It's Mu versus Atlantis all over again!
Deb: Thank you Gomez, and that concludes the news portion of the show. Well, this girl's gotta pay her bills so it's time for a few commercials. But don't go anywhere, I'm just getting warmed up, or... should I say hot.
- Deb: Hello LA, you're up way past your bed time, aren't you? Hope you've slipped into something comfortable, I know I have. If you're new to town or just new to this whole radio thing, you're listening to The Deb of Night, the only girl who will spend the night with you and leave first thing in the morning, guaranteed. Well, looks like the boards are lighting up! Aren't I the popular one? Lets see, eeny, meeny, miny, moe, who will be the lucky... caller, you've got the first shot at Deb tonight! So who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?
- Advertisers
- Narrator: Friggin Chicken recently challenged several random people to a taste test between Friggin Chicken and the other leading chicken-flavored products. Let's listen, for which one they prefer.
Interviewer: Ma'am, care to participate in a taste test? Here, try this leading brand of chicken.
Random person 1 (Margaret Tang): Oh, oh my gosh! Is that week old fish?
Interviewer: Now try this!
Random person 1: Oh, oh! This is some good BEEP chicken! What is this?
Interviewer: Sir. Take a test for me?
Random person 2: Sure. Ah, oh, ah, phew, seriously, did you have these up your BEEP?
Interviewer: Here, try this one.
Random person 2: Hmmm, hey, mmm, mother-BEEP great chicken right there! What is this?
Interviewer: It's Friggin Chicken.
Random person 3: This is cat, right? Are you feeding me cat?
Interviewer: Try this.
Random person 3: Holy BEEP! BEEP that's good. What the BEEP is this BEEP?
Narrator: Nine out of ten people prefered Friggin Chicken over the competition. Why?
Random person 4: Because that's some good BEEP chicken! I mean Friggin Chicken.
Narrator: Friggin Chicken! You'll swear it's the best you've ever had. - Narrator: You loved the talking baby movie. And the talking pig. And even the talking car in that show, you know the one I'm talking about. But now prepare for the most hilarious talkingest normally mute object yet! He's Steve Cash, a New York banker and recent widower down on his luck.
Cash: And ten makes one hundred. Here's your money, ma'am.
Customer: Ma'am? I happen to have a glandular problem. That's it! I'm withdrawing all my millions from this bank.
Cash's boss: Cash! (laughter)
Narrator: She's an ATM machine with the soul of his dead wife.
Cash: There's something familiar about this ATM machine.
ATM: I LOVE YOU.
Cash: Wow, those marketing guys are geniuses! (laughter)
Narrator: Together, they're learning to make the most out of their special situation.
ATM: SO THAT GIRL FROM ACCOUNTING USED ME TODAY.
Cash: Really?
ATM: SHE WASN'T LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. WHEN SHE PUSHED MY BUTTONS SHE WAS VERY GENTLE.
Cash: Oh honey, if you don't stop I'm gonna have to make a deposit. (laughter)
Narrator: Transferring Cash. Wednesdays at 8:30 in the BMC. - Narrator: (thunder) Say goodbye to yellow teeth and spots on your dirty dishes.
Woman: (beeps) It's incredible! Look at that shine.
Man: Your smile... or these dinner plates? (laughter)
Narrator: Harnessing the secrets of ancient Egypt, now there is a dish washing detergent so powerful, it doesn't just leave your dishes spotless, it actually whitens your teeth. (hum) Patented time-released spiritoids remove caked-on food and grease and remain on the plate to be absorbed into your food that clean your teeth while you eat. (gunshot) Desetron, the dish washing detergent of the future, for cleaner plates and whiter teeth! - Narrator: Last year Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds bought a sport utility vehicle. Three months later there were two separate incidences of hit-and-runs by an unidentified SUV in his area. Is Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds to blame? Can you afford to take that chance? Can your children? Vote Republican senator Robert Thorne, a candidate that has never committed vehicular homicide.
Narrator: Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds has never publicly stated his opinion on child pornography. Is it because he is hiding something? Would you want a child pornographer voting on this nation's laws? Would you trust your children's future to someone like that? Vote Republican senator Robert Thorne, the candidate that is comitted to locking up child pornographers.
Narrator: Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds recently sued Senator Robert Thorne for accusing Redmonds of being a murderous child pornographer. But Redmonds had previously said he was against clogging up courts with frivolous law suits. Wouldn't this make him a hypocrite? Would you want a hypocrite as your next congressman? Would you want your children become hypocrites? Vote Republican Senator Robert Thorne, a candidate not accused of being a murderous child pornographer. - Narrator: In a world where people live and die.
Chief: Do you think you could just go in there and handle this by yourself?
Hero (Brian Mitsoda): If that's what it takes.
Narrator: He was about to meet his greatest foe.
Foe: Kill them all, all of them!
Narrator: And a girl.
Hero: Hello!
Girl: Hi.
Narrator: And a comic relief sidekick, who won't make it to act three.
Sidekick: I picked the wrong month to cancel my life insurance.
Hero: No, don't say that. You're gonna make it.
Narrator: With the guy from that other movie that was slightly popular, and what's-her-name, from that show you sometimes watch. In a movie with two spectacular CGI battle sequences and an advertising campaign that will leave you no choice but to see this film. See it, because it's a movie and all your friends are going. In theaters Friday and on DVD in three months.
- Narrator: Friggin Chicken recently challenged several random people to a taste test between Friggin Chicken and the other leading chicken-flavored products. Let's listen, for which one they prefer.
Show 2[]
- Callers
- Deb: Did ya miss me? Judging by the way the boards lit up, I'd say you couldn't live without me. You make me feel so desirable, LA. So many callers, so little time. If you don't get through to me tonight, don't let it break your heart; I'm here each and every a.m. So keep dialing those magic numbers, and just maybe you'll be as lucky as this caller. What's your name, night owl?
Greg (Brian Mitsoda): Hello, Deb. This is Greg.
Deb: Hello, Greg. Up late, aren't we?
Greg: Well there Deb, I work a night shift here at the power plant, pretty much alone, only thing that gets me through this shift is your pretty little voice.
Deb: Thank you, Greg.
Greg: Why, I imagine if you was half as pretty as your voice, then... you're the prettiest woman in this city.
Deb: Aren't you the gentleman?
Greg: Ahh, I imagine you a lot, Deb... like I said, I'm all by myself, and it does get lonely. Sometimes a man can't help himself, especially when I hear you... it's like you're here, straddling my -
Deb: Greg, there's a little thing called too much information. - Deb: Caller, you're whiling away the evening with the Deb of Night.
Andrei (Steve Blum): Good evening, Deb.
Deb: Yes, I think that's implied by the title of the show.
Andrei: (chuckle) Do you ever worry, Deb, that the world is going to end?
Deb: I haven't felt that way since Brad Pitt got married.
Andrei: (chuckle) Do you have any idea how insignificant you are? When they start devouring the world, you will be but a bloodstain on their capes.
Deb: I bet you say that to all the girls.
Andrei: There is a Red Star in the night sky. The blood of mortals and the blood of ages, all will be consumed. They are coming. These are the Final Nights.
Deb: Okay! Well, good luck in the next election, Senator! Apologies to all you night owls out there, but this girl's got something she's got to take care of for the next few minutes. Here's a little music to keep you... up... if you get my meaning.
- Deb: Did ya miss me? Judging by the way the boards lit up, I'd say you couldn't live without me. You make me feel so desirable, LA. So many callers, so little time. If you don't get through to me tonight, don't let it break your heart; I'm here each and every a.m. So keep dialing those magic numbers, and just maybe you'll be as lucky as this caller. What's your name, night owl?
- Advertisers
- Husband (honk) Phil's here. Gotta run. Great breakfast, honey.
Wife (Margaret Tang): Have a good day, dear. I'm glad you liked the muffins.
Husband: Hey, what's that on the counter? That's not my margarine! That's butter!
Wife: It's -
Husband: (slap) Bitch! You know I'm supposed to watch my LDL levels!
Wife: (sobbing) I... I thought it would be a nice change! You couldn't even tell!
Husband: You don't want a divorce! You're trying to kill me! I'm glad I slept with your sister! (door slams)
Narrator: I Thought It Was Margarine Grade B butter: all the rancid taste of margarine with all the saturated fat of butter. - Man: You are on fire, Bill!
Bill (Leonard Boyarsky): I finally took your advice, and you were right! I feel more confident than ever.
Man: You da man. Isn't it great?
Bill: I couldn't even believe it. We went out to dinner, and afterwards we started getting busy. I went into the bathroom to take it. I could feel it right away! Hell, you could see that tidal change in the toilet bowl!
Narrator: Vivisitrek: for when an ordinary drug-enhanced erection just isn't enough. Common side effects include fainting, tingling in extremities, temporary blindness, deathly pallor, time perception distortions, aggravated bladder syndrome, emotional incest, pronounced incontinence, delusions of grandeur, and elevated risk of stroke. - Billy: Grandpa, will you take me to Space Burger?
Grampa: Space Burger, huh? You know, when I was your age, space was mostly a mystery. We didn't know what was up there. Why, I thought there were little alien kids on Mars that might be watching me. Yeah, I used to make signs for them saying, "Hello Martians!" or "Give me a ride on your rocket craft!" 'Course, I was young and naive thinking Martians could read English. (chuckle) Everyone knew Martians communicated telepathically through space operators on their moonbase!
Mom (Margaret Tang): Billy, what did I tell you about talking to Grandpa?
Billy: But I want to go to Space Burger!
Mom: Space Burger! This looks like a job for Commander Mom! Report to the space van.
Billy: Oh boy!
Mom: We can drop Grandpa off at the home on the way there.
Grampa: Of course you don't see Martians on space probes. (chuckle) Everyone knows Martians live in invisible domes!
Narrator: Space Burger: food for the space age, not old age. - Narrator: Last year Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds bought a sport utility vehicle. Three months later there were two separate incidences of hit-and-runs by an unidentified SUV in his area. Is Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds to blame? Can you afford to take that chance? Can your children? Vote Republican senator Robert Thorne, a candidate that has never committed vehicular homicide.
Narrator: Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds has never publicly stated his opinion on child pornography. Is it because he is hiding something? Would you want a child pornographer voting on this nation's laws? Would you trust your children's future to someone like that? Vote Republican senator Robert Thorne, the candidate that is comitted to locking up child pornographers.
Narrator: Democratic candidate Michael Redmonds recently sued Senator Robert Thorne for accusing Redmonds of being a murderous child pornographer. But Redmonds had previously said he was against clogging up courts with frivolous law suits. Wouldn't this make him a hypocrite? Would you want a hypocrite as your next congressman? Would you want your children become hypocrites? Vote Republican Senator Robert Thorne, a candidate not accused of being a murderous child pornographer. - Narrator: Money troubles? Need cash quick? Why not try mugging someone? These are exactly the kind of questions that criminals are asking themselves right now. Did you know that the government requires you to wait ten days for a gun? Why, in that time a criminal could kill your family fifty times over. So how does a law-abiding citizen like yourself get a theft-deterrent system in their hands in the next hour? Come to Loophole Lenny's! We've got antique military weaponry from blunderbusses to World War I grenades. Modern muggers may be stronger and faster than they used to be, but that doesn't mean they can take a slug fired by a Civil War era pistol any better. And if you're the kind of person that can't sleep at night knowing serial rapists might be in your front yard, we've got German sniper rifles approved by the Kaiser himself that'll make picking them off one by one from the safety of your roof no problem. Buy a weapon this month and we'll throw in an ammo belt with the Constitution printed on it free of charge. Loophole Lenny's: defending your tomorrow with the weapons of yesterday, today.
- Bro 1: Aww, would you look at this?
Bro 2 (Leonard Boyarsky): What's that?
Bro 1: "Plague of locusts descend on small Indian town."
Bro 2: Geez, I can't imagine what that must be like.
Bro 1: And look at this: "Civil war still raging between ethnic factions in Eastern Europe."
Bro 2: Yeah, heard about that.
Bro 1: And in Zimbabwe, they got to use ox carts for ambulances.
Bro 2: That's terrible. Hey, it's a good thing we live in the U.S.
Bro 1: It sure is, buddy. Hey, bartender. Two more U.S. Ales?
Narrator: U.S. Ale: welcome to the United States of Inebriation.
- Husband (honk) Phil's here. Gotta run. Great breakfast, honey.
Show 3[]
- Callers
- A bug-obsessed middle-school teacher
- Roger, a Wisconsin "writer"; and a personal assistant at Parasite Studios.
- Advertisers
- Tuck's Sex Exchange (Margaret Tang)
- Books
- Hoover 2: Hydro-electric Boogaloo
- Pound Ground
Show 4[]
- Callers
- Advertisers
- Republican candidate Robert Thorne
- Virtual Meeting
- Deformers
- Frankenstein: Breadlust
Show 5[]
- Callers
- A cranky old man
- A big fan of Ash Rivers
- A newly-Embraced vampire, and Frankenstein.
- A nudist
- Gomez (Leonard Boyarsky), who has discovered vampires are among us.
- Advertisers
- An unnamed dramatic movie trailer
- Friggin' Chicken (Margaret Tang)
- I Thought It Was Margarine (Margaret Tang)
- I Thought It Was Margarine (Margaret Tang)
- Transfer and Cash
- Tuck's Sex Exchange (Margaret Tang)
- Frankenstein: Breadlust
- USAle (Leonard Boyarsky)
- Music
- Darling Violetta's Smaller God
- Die My Darling's Needle's Eye
Background Information[]
- Deb was voiced by Karis Campbell in an uncredited role.
- "The Deb of Night" is a reference to the idiom "the dead of night," which is also the name of a a 1945 horror anthology film.
- The Plus version of the Unofficial Patch omits the advertisements and Smaller God from Show 5.