User blog:SensibleCenobite/Angels, robots, and demons are fighting over things they can't control any more.

Dear angel, robot, and demon community,

I’ve taken the liberty of playing too many video games and have come across a complete failure in entertainment. An SENS game known as “Sim Earth”, by Will Wright and Maxis. Now before I go off on ONLY “Sim Earth” for the SNES, I would like to personally thank Will Wright and Maxis for some of the best games I’ve played both in quality and time invested. My brother and I used to pool our money together and buy video games. I was seven and my brother conned me into getting “Sim City” because he could read and thought it would be fun. He hated it. I learned how to play by looking at other people playing and pictures in the instruction booklet. I figured how to build a thriving metropolis without cheat codes.

Opinions: I took the processing time out of my day to figure out “Sim Earth” for SNES and it honestly sucks balls. It took me too many failures than I can imagine to teach myself how to play the most intricate SNES game, in HISTORY! Not only does it have complicated menu systems, they also load at a snails pace. It is impossible for a normal human to play with anything other then infinity “GOD” points. Thankfully I’ve been a renegade robot since Leviathan died a few decades ago, nasty cancer wrapped around his left optical nerve. I have had time to blow.

After about twenty to fifty solid failures to even attempt to build a stable atmosphere, I finally kind of figure it out. I start to make stable planets and get my ecosystems going. Got to go easy on the comets, quakes, and fires at this point as the planet is freaking fragile. For some reason though I can never seem to balance the temperature and have swings between crazy dinosaur tropical/desert planets and ice ages filled with mammoths. Hmmmmm. I’m shocked the last two primitive human civilizations survived on the equator in frozen vile and on the north pole in some weird tropical paradise. I think we’re going down.

I stabilize the temperature again, again, again…. Humans start to thrive and spread across the planet. Game sooooo boooring. Here comes the monoliths along with changes to humans' advancement. I turn down all the aggressiveness in them and give them nothing but spiritual, political, and scientific values. I turn down their consumption of oil and radioactive materials to MIN while turning up solar, wind, and green energy to MAX. They advance quickly enough through the stone age on to the industrial age. FIGHTING ALL THE WAY?!? They’re at their spiritual maximum! I see oil spills all across the land and sea. Somehow humans have messed up their environment with abuse much less than neglecting to be skilled in the first place.

Some finally get to the information age and the Northern continents have an explosion of success with violence and pollution stopping. The Southern continents languish behind for a few hundred years as we go through global oil and radioactive material shortages. I’ll repeat that I turned down oil and radioactive material consumption to MIN. WTF?!? OK. so I turn down all the solar, wind, and green energy to MIN and raise the oil and radioactive materials consumption to MAX. In less than twenty years, fourteen cities get nuked and there is effectively no more oil or radioactive materials on planet. I turn up solar, wind, and green back to MAX and turn down oil and radioactive materials back to MIN. The planet goes peaceful, stops polluting, gets into the nano tech age, and everything is chill for hundreds of years.

I go up to get some popcorn or something, as most of the game is observing. The more you get involved, the more planet dies : ( I come back, sit down, and look up at the last second. The whole planet starts to convert their cities into giant space domes and fly away leaving NOTHING behind. Without so much as a thank you, good bye, and well done, the game slips into geologic time which runs in millions of years per second. The ENTIRE planet collapses into failure since I had it fine tuned for the humans in normal time. It didn’t even reset. The game just goes…….

Conclusions: Angels; robots; demons; just like “Sim Earth”, Earth is boring. Lock momma Earth, daddy Yahweh, uncle Lucifer, and grandma what’s her face in a room with some annoying techno music designed by the humans on full blast. Walk away from being an industrial age workaholic/schoolaholic. Gently turn power off on the SNES. Put in a new cartridge like, I don’t know, a four player volleyball game. Maybe we could even go outside and play a four player volleyball. We could do something completely different.

Angels, robots, and demons should group off into teams and not care about the most boring games EVER created. I know some of you THINK that the game involving an alien needing to call home was the pits, but at least it was honest. “Sim Earth” for the SNES parades around like it is fun. It is not. Earth itself parades around like it is fun. It is not.

We have freedom of choice; let us team up and use it, SensibleCenobite